Marital Advise, George Clooney, And Beefaroni

New your skyline I started thinking about how my husband and I have managed to sustain our relationship in the face of so many challenges over the course of time. While Im not a marriage expert, I have been married for twenty years. In a row. To the same man.
I’ll leave the heady advise for the professionals. But heres what’s worked for me thus far:
1.) No matter how health conscious you are, never replace meat with tofu to try to fool your husband. Yes, he probably should be eating less cow, pig and even chicken, but chances are, if he’s as texture savvy as my husband, it won’t slip past him. He’ll become resentful of your attempt to disguise one of his favorite foods with an imposter. Just raise the amount of spinach you feed him to compensate for all that meat.
2.) Never, no matter how much you’re tempted, suggest he start to exercise for his health. Continue to practice yoga, your asanas, and chant your mantra. Before you can say “Om” really loud, fifty times, he’ll have his running shoes laced up and be out the door.
3.) Do not, under any circumstances, try to convince him that just because the Okinawans stop eating when they’re only 80% full, that in order to extend his life, maybe he should consider doing the same. Secretly invest in smaller dinnerware and feign ignorance if he notices and complains.
4.) If he offers to go grocery shopping with you, first, assure that your relationship is on solid ground. It may become necessary to disappoint him when he shows up, back at the cart, with several cans of Beefaroni. Sure, he’ll say it’s for the kids, but he’s used that ruse before. Explain in a sympathetic voice that you understand it’s his childhood favorite, but sadly, in fact, it’s not actually real food.
5.) Under no conditions should you try to persuade your husband to give up sugar. Provide him with the overwhelming data that points to the fact that sugar causes inflammation, rots your teeth, makes you gain weight and erodes your health. Tell him how much you love him and want him to be with you on that bike tour of France for your 100th birthday. He’ll get the message.

 

Not the first time Ive doled out advise

Marital advise for George

George Clooney, prior to his nuptials

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